Love Doctor
by project nuddy-pants
Summary: I love him! PFF, what am i going on about! Of course i don't!  "Hey"  GAH i DO love him! I- I mean no! oh help..


Hm? The bell rang? Ok. Get to class, don't think about him. History, so think Hitler and Mussolini… Hitler… Sasu- NO, Mussolini.

Ok. Don't think about him. Don't think about him. He's forgotten. His face is forgotten. His luscious sexy body…stop. Oh, look, my seat.

Yes, I am positively head over heels for you, but why do you treat me like a pest? WHY? Cough with a brain slap. We are just classmates nothing more, nothing more. I Hate you, I definitely am not even close to possibly liking you…let alone loving you!

"Move, Idiot" said person growled, whilst glaring warningly at where I was about to sit.

I LOVE YOU! Ok, who am I kidding? My whole resolve broken with two words…I am so sad.

"N-No, this is my seat"

"Really? Says who?"

"Says me!"

"Well if you don't move, I'll tell the teacher you did this"

"Did what?" Is he stupid? I did nothing!

He walks up to the table and grabs the ink pot, holding it dangerously over the recently marked tests, aw shit.

"Did this"

Oh no, this teacher already hates me, and absolutely adores him, wait that's an understatement, our teacher, Miss Haruno is _obsessed_ with him.

"Okay, okay. I'll move" Huff, bastard.

And that's how it usually goes down with me and him, sigh.

"Hah, sucker" He says with his posh voice, which makes me want to scream, seriously how do I even like him? He's such a…Gah!

"Settle, Settle children! Please open your books to page twenty-three. Oh, and hello there Sasuke-kun, you look dazzling today~! Stop fidgeting Uzumaki, it's irritating me!"

Sigh, this teacher is pretty hot, but her personality? Nothing more than a big slimy zero… Ugh.

I look back and see Kiba doing the 'whipped' action at me, I poke my tongue at him and do the 'sup' nod to Shino who is sitting next to him. Shino is showing some sort of neck-cutty stop action…what?

I turn around and see Miss Haruno glaring daggers at me, ah damn.

"For the fifth time, pay attention Uzumaki!" she shrieks.

The class giggles, even I can't help but giggle, her face is quite amusing when angered.

At least it's the last lesson of the day, not to mention the week! Ah, _this_ is why I love Fridays. No class to-oo-mor-row! No class to-mo-o-row~

OoOoOoOo

I shove the door to the gaming plaza open and get my face smacked with flashing lights, assaulting noises, and oily food smells; dripping from excited teens jumping around the various money gorging games. Ah, bliss.

"Eh, Yo Naruto!"

"Aw hey Shikamaru, Kiba, what's up?"

"Nothing much really, I'm here to harvest my new crops on Harvest Moon, and I just bought a pig, It looks so cute!" says an over-excited Kiba, wagging his non-existent tail.

He really reminds me of a dog sometimes, maybe if I bark at him, he'll understand me! We could have our own language and yeah…What?

"That sounds…Awesome!"

"I'm just here because this mutt needed supposed 'company' so I'm just tagging along" says Shikamaru monotonously.

"OH, by the way there is a new game! It's called the 'Love Doctor' Oooh~!" Kiba said mockingly whilst doing a hula sort of dance move.

"Pfft, what a dumb girly game…Laters you two!"

"I reckon! see ya around!"

"…Bye…"

I think it's time that I tested out this 'Love Doctor'

OoOoOoOo

I walk up to the game cubicle and look frantically around so that I don't get spotted. It happens to be an amazing shade of hot pink with cloudy white curtains hanging down from its cheaply constructed plastic walls. I shrug open one of the silky curtains and slither inside. So far, so good. Man, I can't believe I'm doing this.

Inside I find a love-heart shaped chair with cow-print on it and a large screen in front of it with the pixelated words of

"_**Love Doctor; Answer these questions for help on your growing blossom of love!"**_

Sounds like something my P.E teacher would say, I wonder if Gai Sensei helped in the making of this… No, the place would be covered in green spandex. I insert a dollar fifty and wait for it to load.

There is a little sign below with the words; _'Use the pen to touch me softly'_

Pen? Ah, there it is.

"Tap"

Ah, the screen changed… what an interesting development.

"_**Please answer the following on the touch screen provided. Who? What? Where? When? Why? Thank you"**_

Love, what you do to me is suicidally embarrassing.

"_**Who?"**_

_You ask me who, my heart screams out an answer but my pride kicks it down._

Why am I doing this? It's a girl's game! But that bastard Sasuke has got my mind all muddled, I need a Love Doctor!

"_**What?" **_

_Whaddya mean what? What I love about him? _

_Well, I love the way he is a mystery and I want to discover him, I love how he is like an icicle;, he stings you but is still able to soothe you too. I even love all his flaws since they make him that much better!_

"_**Where?" **_

_What a silly question, I love him everywhere…_

Ha, wink wink.

"_**When?" **_

_Since the beginning of this year when I stumbled over him, nice one from me eh?_

"_**Why?"**_

_I DON'T KNOW! _

"_**Calculating, please wait a moment"**_

Waiting, waiting…Listening to corny music playing in the background, hungry, stomach rumbling, RAMEN.

"_**Ping"**_

"_**Here are you answers, go get 'em!"**_

A sheet popped out of a little side-pocket in the machine, deciding I'd rather be surprised, I stuffed it into my bag quickly and cautiously made my way out. Coast is clear; I zip out of the booth and walk out of the gaming centre, just in time to have dinner with Iruka who has decided to practically adopt me. I really adore him, by far he's like the father I never had, but he seriously can be _too _protective sometimes.

I walk into my favourite restaurant; Ichiraku's Ramen Bar. I sniff in the wafting smells of boiling noodles and simmering pork broth. I was literally drooling.

Until…

"Naruto! I was so worried! You came 5 minutes late! I thought you were kidnapped!"

Well delivered Iruka-kun, ten out of ten for your bone-crunching hug.

"Iruuuka! You're watch is 5 minutes late, remember?"

"Ah, so it is!" He said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Heehee, let's eat!"

"Hm, agreed!"

OoOoOoOo

Ah, home sweet home. Yes, after struggling with the old rusty lock for a year and a half it's good to be in.

"Ahhh, I'm so full"

I sigh contentedly. The steaming ramen filling my belly nicely, defrosting my frozen heart all courtesy of the ice-prince.

Iruka is a work-a-holic; he works in the local primary, and has a part-time job of being a part-time secretary for the principal, who I also enjoy annoying whenever I get sent there. I want to help out as much as I can, so I usually clean the house when he's away, it's the least I can do you know.

I walk over to my room, toss my bag to the floor, tear off my uncomfortable uniform and flop down onto my very, very, comfy bed…Ahhh.

I crawl under the covers and prepare for a slight cat nap when something with a sharp edge pokes me in the back. I pull out said perpetrator of peace and find that it's my notepad… Well time for my daily entry! I open it to a fresh page with my pencil at hand.

June 4th

_Dear Kyuubi,_

_I met, well argued, with the ice-prince today, still no luck as you have probably guessed. I don't think he swings that way… or any way to be honest. Apparently it's wrong to love another man, but it feels so … I dunno, normal? I always go for the wrong people eh? Always the ones that end up being mean, or rough…, always the biggest dicks. But I guess I'm messed up like that. He's like a bully to me, always pushing me away, but he doesn't realise that that only makes it worse!_

_I recently tried out this "Love Doctor" game and answered some dumb questions, and will probably get a dumb answer too. _

Oh yeah, I still haven't read it yet have I?

I reach down for my bag, balancing the notepad carefully on my knee, and find a piece of pink folded paper. Geez, it even smells girly, like strawberries and cream. I like it.

Well here goes nothing.

"_**Ah, Hello happy recipient of Love Doctor advice!" **_

_Well young one, it is obvious you are in l.o.v.e love. _

Oh, really? I thought it was measles, sigh…

_But, young one, why do you seem reproachful to it? Love cannot be cured by herbs. The person you love, could it be that they really do admire you? Maybe, just maybe they are as worried as you are of being rejected, of being hated, of being left alone. Show that you care, warm smiles, happy eyes, lots of attention, and I'm sure he'll be yours. _

Okay, that advice wasn't too bad, but yes it's true, I can't just stop loving him out of the blue… that would be impossible no matter how hard I try.

Oh wait there's something on the bottom.

_Founder: Kakashi Hatake_

_All quotes taken from Mikoto Uchiha's book, "Love While You Can"© Una Mia_

K…K-Kakashi? Eugh, Eugh, Ew, wash my eyes out! But wait, Uchiha? Mikoto? I-Is that Sasuke's mother? Wow, I never knew she wrote a book. Wait I know this book, Iruka has it in his library. It must have been her penname, Una Mia, yes; she also wrote that book "Let Love be Your Greatest Aim" and the one for children called "The Day the Sourpuss Went Sweet"

I walk down the stairs to the little brown shelf inside the living room. I bend down, even though my sore knees creak in protest, and start looking for it. "How to Bake for Amateurs" No not that, "Icha Icha Paradise- Property of Hatake" Eugh, definitely not that, "The Complete Idiots Guide to Bird Watching" Gah! Where is it? "Love While You Can" Yes, there it is.

I slide it out and see it has a chocolate brown cover with magenta swirls decorating the front. I open the book.

"_Dedicated to my little sweet family, but don't let them find out! Giggle" _

Wow, I always thought her to be serious for some reason, hmm.

_Love, it dazzles, it burns, it drives, it pulls, and it basically does everything it can to make you into an utter awkward mess. _

_Although most of us deny it, some of us don't want it, some of us are too shy, some of us too forward, it's time to say girl, it's now or never. _

_You gotta take that love in both hands gently, and like passing a new born child, gently transfer it to someone special. _

_If you wait, and get old like me, you can never get that unexplainable feeling of being accepted by another being, for me I guess it'll just have to be my children's love. _

_Rejection, I know all you ladies are afraid of it, no one like to be lonely, but if you never tell then all you have left is this longing want to hold, to be held, to love, and to be loved, so young one, why do you seem reproachful to it? _

_Love cannot be cured by herbs; rejection on the other hand can be cured by girlfriends, ice-cream and chocolate. _

_The person you love, could it be that they really do admire you? Maybe, just maybe they are as worried as you are of being rejected, of being hated, of being left alone. All these worries are always jumbled in along with everything else._

_Damsels in distress don't worry because I now have a 4 point plan:_

_-Smile, show a real smile, the type that warms hearts_

_-Eyes, make them shine with warmth _

_-Open, open up your body, no crossed arms or folded legs_

_And lastly_

_-Be yourself, just act natural, play it cool, be iced out like a freezer_

_And tadah the man is yours!_

WOW, she is like my love god. Must…keep…reading…

I look outside and the sun is beginning to set. The park, I need to go to the park, I love sunsets.

OoOoOoOo

I sit down on the wooden bench, being cautious not to sit down on gum or duck poo. I pull out my trusty love guide and open the page I was just on.

_And tadah the man is yours!_

That has a nice ring to it-

"Boo!"

"Ah!"

Wh-Wh-What, Who?

I look around and see a smug Sasuke looking at me, I almost blush and start to fidget and retort when I remember what the book told me, smile, eyes, open, be yourself. Okay.

"Oh, hey Sasuke, sunset looks great doesn't it?"

Claps to me for using the world's best ice breaker…the weather.

A confused expression pops onto that chiselled face as the yellow beams extend to caress it. I am entranced, I don't even realise what I'm doing anymore, but those lips are getting closer, and closer. Wow, those slightly parted moist peach lips are forming words, but alas, again, I am entranced.

"-ruto"

"Naruto"

Snap out of it!

"Uh"

Back to reality, now or never!

"Oi, I Ju-"

"Don't speak for now"

I lean up to him and kiss him, like a bumblebee landing gently on a petal, not a care in the world, now or never, love cannot be cured by herbs… I love you.

I look into his eyes, but sadly enough, they are shocked, horrified might I say, and that's enough to draw me back to my feet, way down from my spot high in the clouds, and I just do what I do best, run.

I sprint faster and faster, blushing, fingers touching my now moist lips, still feeling the sensation of his on mine. But then something called my name, and BAM goes me over a rock and face flat on the floor. Ouch.

My vision gets a bit hazy, Sasuke is there… why?

"Idiot"

He drags me into an embrace, and starts to nurture my scraped knee.

He then starts speaking.

"This was a book my mother wrote in secret, I was the only one who knew because she trusted me to keep it a secret from my family since they might scorn her, and taunt her for being sappy, she really was a lovely person under her cold barrier. How did you know about it?"

"Found it in Iruka's bookshelf" I say heavily, pity isn't love.

"Well I like to think that this book was like fate, I used its methods to get to you, but I… I kept on loosing my cool; you broke through my barrier quite well which is annoying"

"Heh, well you must be delirious, but the truth has finally crawled out, you are my special person"

He, He doesn't love me…right? He said he used the love guide's methods to get to me? I gasp, does he actually see me in that way? I feel my cheeks reddening.

All I receive in return is a "Tch" a "Let me say it first, dobe" and a liquefying kiss, that made me feel like butter sliding down a warm pan, oh love doctor thank you. Ice-prince has come to soothe my burning desire for him, and I have come to defrost ice-prince's heart.

OoOoOoOo

Well Well ladies, review?

was it bad? or so cheesey you could make corn-dogs from it?

anyway, hope you enjoyed, its an attempted one-shot, but it sorta dragged on for like 2000 words, sighhh


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